Mrs. Green

I filled up my car with gas this weekend. By car, I mean enormous soccer-mom-SUV. So, I was minding my own business, pumping gas, playing peek-a-boo with my daughter through the window, and I was suddenly attacked by Mrs. Green. If you have not come across Mrs. Green, she is a well-intentioned woman that drives a matchbox car, carries reusable grocery bags everywhere, and is a recycling nazi. Mrs. Green thought it would be helpful to point out what kind of mileage my car gets and how I am hurting my wallet and the environment by driving an SUV.

"Wow, you must pay a fortune in gas!" she exclaimed, looking horrified.

Actually, between my husband and I, we pay less than $200/month for gas, thank you very much. Our gas budget has gone up in recent months, but I'd say we're still doing okay.

"You'd be better off with a car or hybrid" she helpfully informed me.

I happen to like The Beast that I drive. It's comfortable, it fits in as many carseats as I need, the dogs can ride in the back, and I can run just about anyone off the road. I'd love it even more if it was a hybrid, but as of now, Nissan and I don't see eye-to-eye on that matter.

Mrs. Green did to me what I do to others in the grocery store: Judge. I guess I got my weekly dose of Karma.

Don't judge me by my SUV. Judge me by the cloth diapers in my diaper bag. Or by my compost bin. Or by my clothesline. As Dr. Evil once said, "I'm hip, I'm with it." He wasn't referring to living green, but I like quoting Dr. Evil whenever possible, so it will have to do. Just as a morning workout cancels out ALL calories throughout the day, my other green habits cancel out The Beast. Or at least that is what I tell myself.

Mrs. Green, wherever you are, I appreciate your motives, but until you want to hand me the keys to a hybrid SUV that can fit 3-4 carseats and my dogs, please keep your comments to yourself. Even I don't make comments about my grocery store victims.