Thank You Notes

My mother, wise woman that she is, always made us write thank-you notes. Which usually resulted in us getting "thank you for thanking me" type cards from random far-flung relatives, thus resulting in more thank you notes. As torturous as I found this process at the time, I feel that she had a good point. It is important to say thank you. And I am a bit behind on my thank-you notes these days, so I figured I might as well post them for the world to see. Perhaps that will make up for the delay.

Dear Neighbor,
I really appreciate the fact that you park your 1987 Toyota in front of my house almost daily. The oil that it leaks all over the street adds character, and I'm sure value, to my home. I am so thankful that you park it in front of my house rather than your own. I also wanted to thank you for your church guests (yes, I know you are running a church out of your house) parking in front of my driveway twice a week. I feel that I must add that I thoroughly enjoy church days; not only is my driveway blocked, but I can tell the time by just looking out my front window.. those take-your-kids-out-front-to-smoke breaks really help me keep time. And, speaking of smoking, what would I do without the cigarette butts in my yard? Again, curb appeal. Thank you.

Not very sincerely,
your pissed off neighbor


Dear People Driving in Front of me in the Parking Lot the Other Day,
I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you for making me realize that I am indeed a good parent. Not only do I buckle my seat belt every time I get in the car (yes, I realize you do this, too), but I also buckle my children into their properly-installed carseats (much UNlike you do). I was having a bad day when I pulled in behind you, so thank you for cheering me up. It's good to be reminded every once in a while that I AM a good parent. Thanks again!

Not very sincerely,
The Carseat Police


Dear Mullet-Fabulous,
I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say thank you for making me laugh my ass off in the middle of grocery shopping. Your amazing style took my breath away. I absolutely love how you paired the cut-off jeans with socks, sandals, and a wife beater. Thank you for making grocery shopping a little more amusing.
Not so sincerely,
your fellow shopper


Dear Dipshit in the Tiny Car,
Thank you so much for taking not one, but two parking spots this morning in the pediatrician's parking lot with your quite miniscule car. I commend you on your driving abilities. You succesfully parked in over 20% of the total number of parking spots in a busy lot. Impressive. Thanks to a carseat-free interior (and slightly guilty look as I ranted to the secretaries about you) I was able to come to the conclusion that you were the high school student sitting in the corner of the waiting area glaring at the cowering children. So, I also feel the need to thank you for staring at my chest while I was picking up spilled toys. Thanks for making my morning just a bit easier.

Not so sincerely,
the quite happily married person attached to the boobs you were staring at